life's last moment (fractures and wholes) the night passes slowly i end up then in a rainstorm of thought colliding with clouds of confusion circling skies of delusion no color, no race, no religion not knowing what is right perhaps there is no right am i poet, am i spirit am i body, which is it all of these, none of these can i choose it or is it thrown upon me like waves of ocean against the sand enwrapped by rhythmic pull of up that is down i say, “take it!” take this life don't mean a thing don't make love sing don't bring spring don't bring summer bring rain, rain, rain and more rain dripping, dripping slowly into bucket twisted from age or was it use i say, “fuck it!” i've had enough holy not so wholly i am betrayed by reflections of her face casting beams of night into day my sight suspended the reds, yellows, blacks, and whites of monomania perception logic lay like shadow in forest doubt i cannot shout nor look about senses shake with judgment knocking under bed in closet in mirror eyes open there passing word into night emptiness substitute absence substance mountain snow dripping word into death taking shaking still just waking waiting to compete in thirst coveting the other's first in street trumpets beat loneliness i meet emptiness sour the sweet faces fluttering halfdeaf holeheaded childplay where is no where push up down button turn into something you cannot name or defend into against solitude whence seasoned wither whittle fingers to the bone who knows whom tomorrow shall be gone history burn lessons unlearned six million drops falling calling upon i can't i can't lie to myself i can't lie to her face penetrate meditate exasperate another state another town same clown same mask another task sweet sweat slip slowly into oblivion egolusion not death for death is more than felt tongue drained i touch for such becoming too much to handle to say to pay to think to drink to write love's eulogy mistaken martyrology empty thought tethered and tossed beyond one must see within the spin of seas that grind chains of kin to change the time it was to be the time it became passing vision in rain pleasure less pain devoid of train dance the insane endless being flow into rivers into streams into oceans into dreams words empty and vague lucid and dull all songs have been sung all phones have been rung all signs have been strung yet sun sets rippling treetops panpsychic desire monotonous fire colors creep in sky no reason to live he'd rather die story end better begin over again what do you think of that my friend nothing everything tic tock timepiece clock must follow schedule and drink coffee too soon always with sugar on spoon baby hum want some attention intention direction alone in night the day have mercy my lord have pity my lady graveyard glory aiming to be undone in doing what is done resting in nests not mine dirty like swine searching dogs bark in protest i drink another i think another my father my mother neither one nor the other another time another place each horse must run the race at her own pace no barrier of skin no separation within told not what to think told not what to feel i awaken the dream waking the dream already forsaken am i singing am i saying what am i praying hope start stop hope forbidden forgiven roots of faith shaking passion i realize now i must i must bust bandaged wound to let blood flow through i must begin below to end above yet i know in love beginning is end i rise in despair beyond time beyond space still hands tied to pleasure that won't cease a glimpse of god blinding disease fractured pair daybreak nothing in night mattered i yawn in boredom i've done this before i've read this before i've written this before i've seen this before i've heard this before i've touched this before i've spoken this before i've tasted this before pulse jump as suicide thump the clunk the mouth swallow in shame beginnings ends to poets the same sky blue sky black sky gray what can i say what can i see who can i be who can i blame horseless riders in headless game as cigarette burn imagination turn escape complete embrace the ultimate deceit life's last moment seems to be as the rest to the memory of phil ochs may 1976 nyc